This is a critique of: "The Thorns of Love (Chapter 1 to and Chapter 2 part 1)
By: :icontheevilovelords: TheEvilOvelords
Word Count: (Chapter 1 pt 1) ~3678 words
(Chapter 1 pt 2) ~3225 words
(Chapter 2 pt 1) ~2743 words
Fandom: Vampire Knight
(Chapter 1 pt 1 & 2)
~Critique of the story~
The first lines of 'Thorns of Love (Chapter 1 pt 1) is
"Boring, that was one way to describe life at the moment. Grim was a way of describing how the atmosphere around the Academy felt. For some reason it has been like that for a while, actually. The place was darker than usual, even though it was dark most of the time anyway."
Despite the tone of the entire chapter, do not overlook this line! Foreshadowing is one of my favorites and my friend, have you executed it quite beautifully.
The next scenes introduce the characters (and I must guilty admit that I was quite confused by who and you were referring to at points.)
During, the telephone conversation, you said two different names: